Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Sexual Harassment and the HR Lady


Dear old Dad

For the sake of my readers who may come from liberal democracies run by pushy women like me, I have put together my weltanschauung on the sexual harassment  issue based on input from my Dad, my boss and Comrade Carl Marks, the  chief nerd with an affinity for all things Russian. (Isn't that "w" word the cats' pyjamas! It's German!)

One's reaction to sexual harassment is heavily influenced by one's surroundings, if you ask me. And one's personal style plays a big part of how to deal with the men who hound you all day. I, for example, like to get a lot of mileage from the issues I deal with, from a power perspective. 

Dad told me from day one, "Gloria, men only want one thing; never forget that", I used to ask Dad what he meant and he would answer, "don't be a smart ass, Gloria. You know what the hell I mean". Of course I did! I may not read Descartes with my morning coffee, but I am not stupid.

At the beginning of this year, our CEO Stan called me in for a meeting "to provide you with some focus for your 2017 goals ". Stan told me that I need not "dot the I's and cross the T's, from a sexual harassment perspective." When I asked Stan what he meant, Stan told me he doesn't mind being sexually harassed by young Svetlana Grudovic (from the Bot team) and that as CEO, he wants to keep abreast of downsizer Ms Cynthia Axe.

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, told me that "sexual repression is the major enabler of poor software. We need to stop mimicking the puritan Americans and just go with the flow, kibinimat". Comrade Carl often lectures to his nerds, telling them that buying sex is cheaper than free sex, from the point of view of an economist.

Comrade Carl then added "Gloria, your legs are something else, but you are not my style. Find yourself a rich husband, or rich male bot and get the fuck out of HR."

I will present my "cut" on sexual harassment  at Oxford in my very first lecture, coming soon. I will lecture in Latin; an English translation will be provided.


Keeping abreast
                                                         

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